Things He Never Understood
by KellethMetheus
Summary: Over the years Jack has collected photos of Sam. He doesn't understand why but he keeps all of them close to his heart.What will happen when Sam finds them....Re-edited and Complete
1. The First One

Authors note: So here is my second SG-1 fic. Its not the one I promised, that one is still coming. I promise really. This one is set in season one between _The Enemy Within_ and _Emancipation_. It is a Jack and Sam, not romance but its more than friendship.

Thanks to SerenBunny for taking a look at it and getting it done so fast.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the 10 seasons on DVD.

* * *

Jack O'Neill paced the hallway outside the General's office. A few minutes earlier he stuck his head in only to be waved out again, "Let me finish this call and then I will talk to you Jack."

Nodding, he stepped back out into the hallway to wait and try to form his argument in to words that would not make him look like a sexiest pig. Full of nervous energy, he could not stand still; three steps to the right a crisp turn three steps to the left. He had never had to deal with an incident like this in all his years of black ops.

Then again he never had a woman on his team. Captain-Doctor Samantha Carter, it was all her fault. When she had walked into the briefing room, so confident and Gung Ho, he thought he would be able to handle her. She was a scientist and a military man-person who had sacrificed her femininity to get where she was.

Then they were captured on Chulak and the Captain-Doctor vanished and Sam came out in full force. She moved through the crowd of people dispersing what little relief she could from the pockets of her fatigues, band aid here, a piece of chocolate and a stick of gum to help someone smile. She even held a screaming baby while the mother had some time to herself.

Jack had been stunned, how could she be a good soldier and still have so much compassion and love. Colonel Jack O'Neill had lost his long ago. At least in the field. He was there to get the job done and nothing else mattered. But seeing her that way, he wanted to be a better man, to reach beyond who he was to make....

Shaking his head, he continued to pace. This was stupid. He had to get her off his team and moved to another one, she was dangerous. He only hoped Hammond would not ask why. He really didn't have a reason, at least not one he wanted to admit.

A few minutes later, Hammond opened his door and ushered Jack inside his office, "What can I do for you son?"

Looking at his CO, Jack tried to formulate his problem into words but found he couldn't. "It's Carter sir. I'm, afraid that she is a liability she's...." he trailed off.

"She's what Colonel?" Hammond's easy going manner quickly disappearing.

The younger man swallowed, "She's too pretty. I'm worried about her safety. SG-1 will be in first contact situations and I'm worried that some group of natives might take a liking to her in the wrong way. I don't want to put her or the team in danger because of her."

A smile crossed George's face just for a moment and then vanished. "Don't worry about Captain Carter. She can take care of herself. Request denied. You need her. In your travels, you will encounter all kinds of things that you will need her to deal with. She has the expertise and skills that will save your life. Trust me, you will need her."

Hammond watched the Colonel to gauge his reaction. Worry, disappointment and then resignation filtered across his face. "Yes Sir."

"Jack, she's a fine officer and once you get to know her, she will grow on you. Please believe me." Another smile crossed his face as he thought of the SG-1 team he met all those years ago in 1969. He had to believe that this would work, that they would be able to the job they needed to do, that they would save the universe. The Colonel and SG-1 were in for some interesting times and he hoped that their CO was up to the task. "Dismissed Colonel."

Jack snapped to attention and saluted. "Yes, sir."

Turning to leave, he paused when the General spoke, "Jack, Captain Carter is moving into her new apartment. Her stuff arrived this morning. Why don't you head over there and give her a hand. She could use your help." He held out a slip of paper with her address on it.

"Ah, General...." Jack trailed off unable to think of a way out of this.

"Take this opportunity to get to know more about her. She has fought hard to get where she is. She has made a lot of hard choices and made sacrifices too. Jack, she has earned her right to be here. She wouldn't be here if she hadn't. Don't write her off before you get to know her. Don't make this an order." The General's voice was quiet but the hardness of command was there.

Taking the paper he said, "Yes sir. See you tomorrow."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later he pulled up in front of a four story walk up. A moving van was parked by the curb. Sam Carter appeared a few minutes later and disappeared into the back. It was now or never, sighed the Colonel, as he stepped from his jeep.

Crossing the street, he took the box from her arms. "Carter, let me take that. Number seven right?" And then he walked off through the front door without another word.

Seeing that there was no point in arguing, Sam grabbed another box and followed him into the building. The living room was filled with boxes and Jack just put his down on a bare patch of the floor.

He headed back outside, but Sam blocked the doorway. Reaching out, he took the box she carried inside from her arms. "Sir, you don't need to do this. I can manage by myself. I have moved before and doubtless I will do it again." She tugged at the box he had taken from her arms.

Refusing to let go, Jack asked, "Where do you want it? It's labeled spare room, which one is that?"

Tugging once more on the box, Sam tried to get him to relinquish the box and leave. The box , on the other hand, wasn't durable enough to withstand their fighting and it broke spilling the contents on the floor.

The photos flitted to the floor like leaves. Jack bent down to pick them up and banged heads with Carter. One of the photos he picked up was of a group of women in desert camouflage sitting on the deck of a helicopter. He could tell what it was by the make and the type of gun mounted on the side. "You flew medical choppers during the war? I though you flew fighter jets?"

Sam took the picture from his hand, "Yeah I flew fighter jets from Turkey to our airbases. Then men flew them in actual combat. I volunteered to go to Iraq because I thought I would get a chance to do something to help those people. Instead it was frustrating, so I transfered to medical." He could see her frustration at the memory and he wished there was something he could say, but as always words failed him.

Sighing, she said, "It wasn't much better but there I was doing something. I was saving lives, making a difference. All of those women in the picture were trained for combat. It was the same training as the men we served with, but the powers that be decided that we needed to be protected. We weren't allowed in combat. That meant no fighter jets or attack helicopters. Instead we flew medical helicopters, refueling planes. It wasn't combat but it was dangerous. For most, it was more dangerous than it would have been in combat. All of us were out there with nothing to protect us, but the gun mounted on the side of those choppers. Of those women I flew with, three of them were shot down, two died. Every time I flew, I was more scared in the helicopter than I am when I step through the Stargate."

He looked at her, really looked. She was a soldier not just a scientist. She had seen hell and survived. Pain and sacrifice had forged her into a stronger person. He needed to know to understand what made her the person she was today. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, "What happened? How did you end up here at Stargate Command? You don't have your wings anymore, how did you lose them?"

Looking at the photo again, "My last mission I was flying with a group of medical choppers. There were four of us. Mine wasn't needed and so I was empty when we headed back to base. We were almost back to base when a call came over the emergency channel. A man identifying himself as an Air Force Colonel said he escaped Iraqi custody with a Army Ranger sniper and they needed medical assistance. He gave us his location. I requested that I be allowed to retrieve them even though it was across the lines. I was denied, they told me that Colonel was dead and he had been for months. There was no way I was going to leave those men out there alone. My father told me to never leave anyone behind and I would not start now. So I shut off the radio before they told me not to go and headed out in to the desert."

"My crew and I made it there. I circled really high before we landed. I needed to make sure that it wasn't an ambush. If those men were down there, I knew we were their only hope. My co-pilot, Feldman, agreed that it was safe. I landed; the medic and Feldman loaded both of them on the helicopter. We took off and headed back to the base. It was just before dawn and I thought we could make it across the lines. It was close but the sun came up and the sky was lit up with gunfire. They had seen us."

* * *

_The world around Sam was lit up with the sounds of screaming objects, then explosions. Yelling into the mic she said, "Austin, find us somewhere to hole up until dark. We are too pretty for these guys to not shoot at."_

"_Is that wise, Captain? I mean they might find us" Came her medic Brooks' voice__._

_Sam didn't answer as she tried to shift the chopper out of the way of the gunfire. It was one of the craziest flights she ever__ had to fly. There were things in the sky everywhere. "Austin what have you got?"_

_Finally Austin's, her gunner, voice came over the radio, "Two o'clock there is a rocky outcrop. You should be able to set down and not be seen. It's high enough that they can't get a position above us."_

_Relief flooded Carter, "Right. I see it." she looked at her co-pilot, Feldman, who nodded and she turned the helicopter in the direction of their sanctuary._

_Once the helicopter was set down_,_ she asked Brooks, "How are the men? Is there anything you can do to help?"_

"_I've given the Ranger some morphine. He seems to be al__l__ right. He was in a lot of pain. I can't understand how he walked anywhere with those feet. The Colonel we picked up is a mess. He's suffering from withdrawals __from__ whatever they gave him. I have no idea what it is. They both have a lot of cuts and bruises. I have done what I can for them." Brooks' voice was calmer now that they were no longer being shot at._

_The Colonel sat up and began yelling in Arabic and fought Brooks__'__ and Austin__'__s attempts to hold him down. "Carter, Feldman, I need some help here. He's too strong and we need to get him calmed down or he could give us away." Austin's voice came over the radio with the sounds of the Colonel's screams and struggles._

_She looked at Feldman who nodded. He would not be a good choice, he was dark was sometimes mistaken for an Arab rather than a Jew. Pulling off her helmet, Sam climbed in to the back where the other two men were trying to hold down the other stronger officer._

_Austin held down his legs, and Brooks was trying to hold down his chest, but the man continued to fight them. Sam knelt by his head and wet the bandanna from around her neck, "Colonel, your safe now. We're Americans. No one is going to hurt you, but we need you to be quiet."_

_Reaching out slowly_,_ she ran the cloth over his fevered face. His eyes snapped open and locked on her. His rough pain filled voice spoke, "Sarah..." and he reached for her gently. Sam allowed him to touch her cheek with his rough fingers. "Not Sarah, who? Where am I?"_

_His touch was gentle and Sam was overcome with emotion. This man had been through hell and he retained a piece of humanity. Swallowing she identified herself. "Captain Carter, US Air Force. You escaped from where they were holding you with an Army ranger. We got your call and we came for you, but its light now. We have to wait for dark. Then we can get you back to the base. Can you fight it and stay calm?"_

_The wounded man lay back relaxing, "Booth? Where is he. His feet..." _

_Reaching out she touched his shoulder. "He's safe too. His call lead us to you. Brooks has done what he could until we get to the base. We have to sit tight for just a few hours. Do you know what they gave you sir?"_

_His voice was rough, "Everything and anything. I wouldn't talk. That's when they started on the drugs. How...." He began to fight their hold on him, but this time it was different. _

_Brooks shouted, "Let him go he needs to puke. It's the withdrawals. Captain he'll need water." _

_Sam supported him while he leaned over the side of the helicopter dry heaving. There was nothing in his stomach to come up, but his body still tried. Once he began to relax again_,_ Sam helped him drink a few sips of water before laying him down again._

_Once he was settled_,_ he focused on Sam again, "How long was I..." He was unsure how to word what he was. Everything was fuzzy and he could not think very well._

"_Four months Sir. They said you were dead. That's why it took us long to come for you. I'm sorry, but we'll get you home to Sarah. I promise." She grasped his hands and he allowed himself to fall into the black._

_The rest of the day passed silently as they prayed they would not be found. Booth stayed unconscious and they only had to worry about the Colonel. He was the more dangerous of the two. The Colonel was strong even when he slept. They never knew when the nightmares would come and what he would do._

_A few times the Colonel woke and Sam quickly crossed to his side. His withdrawals were getting worse. There were times when she feared he was going to die. When he vomited_,_ she gave him water and held him, tried to keep him cool by wetting his face. _

_As the sun moved across the sky_,_ Sam stayed with him as he fought the dreams, the drugs and his dependence on them. He would talk about things, mostly unrecognizable words in other languages. Sam __thought she heard Russian, as well as the earlier Arabic, something that sounded maybe like Greek. Not a lot of it made sense, he was delirious. Finally darkness fell and they were able to get back to base._

_Medics rushed out and took the two wounded soldiers and Sam was escorted to the brig. There she sat for three days and nights until the__y__ shipped her back home. None of her crew would be held accountable. She had taken full responsibility. She was the CO and it was her shoulders that the blame would fall upon. _

_Sam never fought her posting to some small physics program, which did not make use of her skills. She knew it was the price she had to pay for saving two lives. One day_,_ something would change she just had to wait. That day came when Catherine Langford found her file buried in the list of candidates to help her with the Stargate programs. The brass thought it was a dead__ project and they had no problem sending the insubordinate Captain to help out. Sam was brought to Cheyenne Mountain and the Stargate and she was instrumental in making it work._

* * *

Blinking as the sun came out from behind a cloud and blinded her, Sam was brought out of the memory. "I would like to think that we helped him but after we landed, I never saw him again. I never knew his name or what happened to him until I walked into that briefing room." she looked up and met his eyes. The same brown eyes that had trusted her all those years ago in the desert.

Turning away from her, he was about to say something but she cut him off. "I gave up any chance I had to do what I wanted that day. I gave up NASA, to save two men I didn't know. Men I thought I would never know, and I would do it again. That is what a good solider does. They put their lives before others who are not able to help or protect themselves. That is why I'm at Stargate Command. There are people out there who need our help and protection. I have nothing to prove to you or anyone else. If you want to remove me sir, do it. I won't serve under a CO who doesn't respect or trust me."

Dropping the picture, it fluttered to the floor. Jack had no idea what to say to this woman. He didn't remember much from that night and the day after. What he did remember was Booth dragging his butt across the dessert and then a blond haired woman talking to him. He thought that part was all a dream. He recalled the cool touch of her hand as she tried to cool his fever and relieve his thirst. Her voice was soft and comforting. He still dreamed about her some nights. It was usually after the horrific nightmares, when he finally fell asleep again. She was there with the gentle cadence of her voice and her cool cloth to sooth. Her presence seem to keep him safe, just as she had done in the desert

Looking up, he met Sam Carter's eyes. In them he saw courage and determination, somehow in the last few minutes his picture of this woman shifted. She was not soft or a liability, she was a soldier and someone he could respect. He would no longer fight the pull from her, he would allow himself to be the better man, she made him want to be.

"There is no need for that Carter. Now help me pick up these photos and you can show me which one is the spare room. I have nothing to do today, so let's shuffle boxes and make you at home. It looks like you're here for the long haul."

* * *

Together they gathered the pictures and put them back in the box. When they were finished, he offered her his hand to help her up and headed out to grab the remaining boxes.

Hours later when he left, Jack had the picture of that younger Captain in his pocket. He kept it there to remind him of who she was and why she was at his side. Sam Carter had paid her dues and she earned the right to walk up that ramp beside him, even if she was a scientist. He would just have to wait and see what the future held for the two of them.

* * *

Did you like it? Let me know and I may have another one out soon. That is other than the one I already promised you guys. This one is post Grace fic, but before Chimera, so no Pete. It's almost done......


	2. The Second

**Author's note**: This story was meant to be just one part but as to the fact that there are now seven alerts attached to this story I decided to write more. This story has the potential to go on forever so I have a plan. To get there I may jump a whole lot of years so be warned. If that happens I will make sure it is very clear. I will listen to any ideas and take them into consideration. Also I don't like to write stories this way and so I may not post anymore of this one until I finish it, but I will finish it, that I promise.

Thanks to SerenBunny again for reading this one too and doing it quickly.

Any of you folks out there if you like it let me know. Your words help me to write faster.

* * *

Jack was in Daniel's office waiting for him so they could go to lunch. Bored, he studied the small space. As usual, the entire space was covered with stuff - paper, rocks and more rocks. Wandering over to the workbench, he studied the rocks and things there.

One rock caught his eye, it was a beautiful blue carved intricately with swirls and geometric shapes. Its color pulled at his memory. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember what it was. Eyes, blue eyes, hovering over him, the air was dry and hot. Cool hands helped him sip water and wiped down his face. He had no idea where he was, but her voice told him he was safe, and he believed her. The face behind the eyes came into focus, Captain Samantha Carter.

Dropping the rock back on the bench as though it burned him, he turned away disgusted at himself. She was a member of his team, someone he respected and trusted with his life. He would not let this happen - whatever it was.

Glancing at the clock, he saw that Daniel was now ten minutes late to meet him for lunch. Not looking at the rock, he began to shuffle through Daniel's papers hoping for something to amuse himself, knowing he would find nothing, but messing with his friend's stuff was just as distracting.

He found nothing to pique his interest and so he began to move things around deliberately. Lifting a large tome, he came across a packet of pictures that Daniel had taken, on various missions, with his movie camera which took both movies and digital pictures.

The flap was up and he could just see an ornate headdress attached to the veil worn by none other than Sam Carter.

With a quick glance at the door to see if anyone was coming, he pulled out the photo. For a minute he just stared, he had forgotten how beautiful she looked that day. The memory had been overshadowed by the gut clenching fear he felt when they discovered she was gone. Then after following her all day, they discovered she had been traded to a Warlord. A man who would think nothing of crushing her spirit and tossing her aside once she was no longer useful to him.

The whole time they had been tracking her, Jack had prayed, to whom he did not know or care, any deity that would listen and truly had any power. He just wanted to find her safe and ... unharmed. He pushed his thoughts from that. It hadn't happened. That monster hadn't touched her that way.

They had arrived at the camp and chosen not to wait until morning so that would not happen. He had stood by quietly while Muoghal and Daniel bargained for Captain Carter, only speaking when Daniel was taking too long and giving too much away. He had expected Daniel to be a better barter. If he had known how bad he was at it, Jack would have done the talking himself.

The whole time his eyes had never left Turghan, he knew this man, and men like him. In his black ops days, he had fought men like him as well as beside them, depending on which group they sided with. They had also been present in the Iraqi prison both as prisoners and guards. Anything they offered Turghan would refuse, he saw Sam for what she was, a great prize. He would possess something that none of the other chiefs did. That alone would give him status.

It was for that reason and only that reason that Jack offered his 9mm. It was new and exotic just like Carter, maybe even more so. Lifting the weapon, he had shot out one of the lamps hanging from the ceiling, to give the man a demonstration.

Turghan readily agreed to the trade, Sam was brought out and returned to them. On the surface, she looked all right and unharmed. If he had known the state of her back, what that monster had done to her, he wouldn't have let her fight him. He would have volunteered to fight him in a heartbeat. The monster would be dead and he would have done it without remorse.

He never would have known about Carter's injuries either, she would never have told him, fearing it would make her look weak in his eyes. The only reason he did know was he entered the infirmary at just the right moment, when Sam was showing Dr. Fraser her back.

* * *

J_ack stepped into the infirmary and swallowed his words. Sam Carter sat with her back to him and rose up her shirt showing off her wounded back. It was crisscrossed with deep red welts; some were still oozing a little while others were scabbed over._

_He tried hard not to react and do something stupid, but he saw red. He had to let some of the anger coursing through him out or he would have gone to the control room, dialed up that planet to have his revenge and it would not be pretty. He was well trained__,__ no one would see or hear him._

_As a soldier in black-ops, he had_s_ seen a lot of horrible things and he had done some of them in many dark places in the world. Seeing his Major's back affected him more that he could articulate. _

_His brain told him that if those wounds had been incurred as a prisoner of war and a soldier__,__ his feelings would be different. These lashes were done for another reason entirely. To Turghan__,__ she was nothing but a thing, a possession to do with what he wished. In the Warlord's eyes, she had no rights or position. She had challenged that ownership when she had tried to escape__,__ and the man needed to reassert his authority over her and his other women._

_Jack understood it__,__ but it didn't mean he liked it or accepted it and it showed in his voice when he spoke, "You gonna tell me about those Captain?" His voice was harsher than he intended._

_She looked over her shoulder and the blue eyes widened at him standing there. They stared straight at him, giving nothing and asking nothing. "Sir, it's nothing. Janet will fix me right up. She says that none of them needs stitches. I'm not even being removed from active duty."_

_He broke their connection and looked at the Doc, who nodded in agreement. Swallowing the bile that had climbed into his throat_, he said_ "That's good Carter, make sure you take care of those. They can go nasty really quick if you don't keep them clean."_

_Their eyes met again and she understood what he meant. One of the injuries he had sustained while in that prison with Booth had been lashes on top of lashes. Now that she knew him, she was not surprised. His sarcasm could try the patience of a saint and when he was captured, it was worse. His wounds had been infected and close to gangrenous, her medic had dressed them after he had passed out, after Sam had calmed him down. _

_While their eyes met, they shared her pain; he knew and understood what had been done to her. He told her that she would heal and everything would be all right._

_He swallowed again, this time to stamp down an emotion he did not want to give name to, before he spoke._,_ "Doc I need our medical reports. The General would like to see them." Although speaking to the Doctor__,__ his eyes never left Sam's._

_Drawing his attention to her, Janet said, "They are in my office on my desk. Let me get them for you." She nodded at a nurse to finish dressing Sam's wounds and motioned for the Colonel to follow her._

"_Right Doc," And he followed her into the small office to the side of the infirmary. "She's fine right. Turghan didn't do anything else. He didn't...." his voice trailed off unable to give a name to his concern._

"_Normally I would tell you to butt out and it isn't your concern, but you will see the report eventually. The lashes are the only serious injuries. She has a few bruises and cuts from the knife fight and he did beat her before the lashes. Other than the lashing, I have seen her come home in worse shape."_

_Visibly relaxing__,__ he said, "So she should be fine to go to PX whatever in three days?"_

_Nodding she said, "I'll keep an eye on the wounds. You're right__,__ they are hard to clean and things can change very quickly. If nothing does__,__ she'll be fine to go."_

_Taking the folders from her, "Good, good. I'll see you later Doc." And then walked out of the infirmary._

_It was only after he was out the door that he turned back and looked at Sam. The nurse had just finished tying off the bandages. Dropping her shirt__,__ Sam hopped off the bed and turned to leave._

_Seeing him in the frames in the doorway, she froze. She was studying him trying to interpret his thoughts. He had not wanted her on the team earlier and now would that be the case again? His prediction had come true; she had proven that she was a liability to them._

_He saw the questions in her eyes and nodded his head once just a Teal'c does, to show his acceptance of her abilities. This wasn't her fault, it was partly his. They shouldn't have left her alone, not because she was a woman, but because she was a member of the team._

_His nod was rewarded with that smile, that one only she had. The one that helped him make it through that day in the desert. Storing this moment__,__ he left the infirmary._

* * *

Looking down at the photo of Captain Samantha Carter in that blue dress and veil, he realized that he learned more about her that day. She had a strong opinion of what was right and what was wrong. If she needed to, she would defend those ideals with her life. Again, she caused him to stretch and reform his own view of himself. He would have walked away and not got involved, but Sam had and she had to make it right.

That was why he had let her fight Turghan, he had been prepared to step in and just shoot the man if needed, but it wasn't. She was a beautiful woman, and a deadly one at that and she knew how to handle herself. Also so she was strong, one of the strongest people he had ever met. A whipping was not an easy thing to endure. She had not shown any signs of pain or discomfort, although she must have been in agony. He didn't need to protect her, she was a well trained soldier and could take care of herself.

Amazingly, she had not sacrificed the feminine part of herself to become a Captain in the Air Force but had achieved the rank in spite of it. She had his respect and, with the last mission, it had grown even more. He had no problems with her being on the team.

After leaving the infirmary, he had delivered the folders to the General. Closing the door, he told the older man he wanted to talk.

* * *

"_Sir, it's about Carter." Jack stood at attention, his face giving nothing way._

"_Jack...." The General's voice was unsure._

_The Colonel cut him off, "Sir, I wanted to make sure she would be staying on the team. I see no reason to remove her; I have complete faith in her abilities. This incident was not her fault and I want her record to reflect that. For a female officer__,__ the wrong words in their file can harm them permanently."_

_From the look on George's face, this conversation had gone entirely different that he expected. "Your words are noted. I will make sure I include your thoughts in my report _a_lthough I had no intention of removing Captain Carter. I have told you before that you need her and that has not changed. Her place on SG-1 is secure."_

* * *

Jack nodded and left the room quickly. That was the last time they spoke of Sam's leaving SG-1. He had not even brought it up after the Brocca incident and her assaulting him in the locker room. That had created more unwanted feelings, but they had been stamped out like the others.

Outside in the hallway he heard Daniel speaking with Teal'c as they approached the office. He slipped the photo into his pocket with the other one.

It began with a photo of a group of women in desert camouflage sitting together in a helicopter and continued with a blond woman in a blue dress. Over the years, there were many more collected and he never questioned why he did it or tried to understand it. Every time he walked up that ramp, there was always a photo or two of Sam Carter next to his heart as they headed together into the unknown.

* * *

Well what do you think did it live up to expectations? I hope so. Let me know either way.


	3. Years later

Author's note: Here is the next part there are two more after this. I have to find the time to type them so I hope to have this all done by Christmas. Thanks you all who reviewed and added to alerts. You guys are all great. Again thank you to SerenBunny for taking a look at this chapter. Let me know what you think I love to hear from you.

* * *

General Jack O'Neill stared at the photograph in his hands. In the last few years, he had amassed a collection of them. The subject was the same in all of them, Samantha Carter. In some, she was a Captain, others Major, and in a few she was a Lieutenant Colonel, but always his Sam.

A group of them were spread across his desk. Choosing one, he picked it up, it was a photograph of her and her father taken a BBQ a few years ago at his house. They looked so happy together and now he was gone. Jacob Carter was a good man who deserved so much more out of life than he got and Sam had lost her father. Jack hurt for her.

Jack remembered the first time he met the man. Jake had scared Jack to death, especially when he made the stupid remark about not being able to stay away for the Air Force forgetting for just a moment what the cover story was. The elder Carter was not a stupid man and he saw right through the cover story and possibly through Jack.

Laying the picture down he picked another this one of the three of them in dress uniform, General Carter, Captain Carter and Colonel Jack O'Neill, the three of them looked so good standing together. After the reporter had been killed he requested copies of all the photos from the reception trying to figure out if one of the guest had been the mastermind behind the man's assassination. He never found anything conclusive, but he did take the picture and added it to his collection.

Jack had been angry about the events of the day and Carter had been upset, by the news her father dropped on her along with the guilt trip. On the way back to Colorado, Carter had asked him a question. He was feeling a little bitter because someone had ordered the death of that reporter and they had used him to flush him out.

_

* * *

The flight had just taken off and Jack stood to remove his coat. The two of them had changed from their dress uniforms before boarding the flight. Jack stuffed his leather coat into the overhead compartment and then accepted Sam's. _

_When he sat down she asked, "Sir how do you do it? Keep your life away from the job? My father just told me that he has Cancer. Before he dies, he wants me to fulfill my dreams. He wants me to see me a part of NASA." She looked up at him and sighed. "It was my dream until the Stargate, but now it would be like settling for second place when I won the race. He thinks I'm wasting my life in Deep Space Radar Telemetry and I can't tell him any different. I know if he knew the truth of what we do he would be proud of me, but he'll never know."_

_It was his turn to sigh, he had seen this time and again when he was in black-ops and he lived it with Sarah. She couldn't understand his nightmares or the horror he had seen because he couldn't tell her. "The shadow world we are a part of is a hard place to live. Even though we manage to escape assassinations and the other black parts of black-ops, we are still stained by what we do. We have to lie; lie to those we love and everyone we meet. We lie about what we do and how we do it. It's something you need to get used to Carter or get out. There's no other way."_

_Turning back to the other report he was writing, Jack watched her out of the corner of his eye. He could see the pain written there on her face. He knew it well because he had seen it on his own face more times than he could count. They did an important job and if the people they loved knew and understood what they did, their families would be proud. Deep Space Radar Telemetry - what a joke._

_Seeing Carters pain he was reminded that she was someone's daughter, who loved her. If something happened to her Jack would be the one to tell Jacob Carter that his daughter was dead, but not how or why, only that she was gone from their lives.  
_

_If that happened he and the Two Star General would have something in common-they would both have lost something irreplaceable. Jacob would lose his only daughter and Jack would lose something he couldn't understand or maybe that he couldn't allow himself to understand. Closing the report he laid back and tried to sleep hoping that these thoughts would just go away but knowing they wouldn't._

* * *

Setting the photo down on the desk, he pinched the bridge of his nose, that had not happened instead they lost Jake. Sam had lost her father and Jack had lost a good friend. They were both hurting, they had loved him but he could not comfort her anymore than he already had. He had promised to be there always, but that was a lie. He would be there but she would be unable to except it. She belonged to another man, not him. He was her CO and that was all he would ever be; she had chosen Pete over him and he did not blame her.

In the end this was all he would have of her was these memories of the best woman he had ever known. In the beginning he had not seen her that way. She had been someone he had been saddled with and now he trusted her with his life and respected her genius and her courage.

They had seen many dangerous situations and somehow with her help they had come out alive. Like the time they were stuck in Antarctica. She had not directly solved the problem but if she hadn't got the gate to work, Daniel would never have found them in time. Anyone who would fight that hard to live, deserved to live and he had done everything he could to keep her alive. He owed it to her as her CO and as her friend.

Shifting through the photos in the box, he looked for the one of him and Carter curled up together in Antarctica. Daniel had taken it after it had been established that they were alive and going to recover as long as the medics acted fast. He had brought his camera to take pictures of the second gate, but snapped a couple of his friends as well. He had thought they would be funny to show them later, but any humor was lost in how close the two of them had come to dying.

He looked back at the picture. The two of them snuggled up so tightly it was hard to see where one ended and the other began, sharing body heat, what little they had between them.

_

* * *

F__ar way someone called to him and he fought his way out of unconsciousness. "Colonel." Carter what was she doing back here, she was supposed to be gone, saving herself. Then he remembered he words, "It's an ice planet. It's all there is as far and the eye can see. No chance." He could hear that she had given up, it was there in her voice but he had nothing else to give either. No words of comfort or wisdom, not even a word of sarcasm. There was no help coming, no one to save them. They had done all they could but it wasn't enough. He felt her come closer and snuggle against him. "Colonel..." Her hand slipped beneath the sleeping bag to rest on his top of his heart and her breath was warm against his cheek._

"_Sara..." but his voice failed and he could not say the rest or touch her face like he wanted to. 'Not Sarah, who?' He wanted to make her laugh and to remind her that sometimes miracles did happen. She came out into the desert and saved him and someone might do the same for them. The two of them had to hold on for a long as they could. _

_He tried to move, to look at her when she lifted her head to look at him. She was so close and so was the pain. His leg and chest burned with it. On the side where she lay it warmer, but only slightly. "I'm here, Jack." _

"_Cold, so cold..." Was all he could say, but there was so much more he wanted to say, to tell her. She was such an amazing person; it wasn't fair for her life to be snuffed out. He wanted to tell her to hold on, someone might still find them. _

"_I know. It's alright. You can sleep now." Her lips brushed his cheek so softly as she curled up closer to him. "It was an honour serving with you too, Colonel." And gave up. _

* * *

A few hours later, they did get a miracle and the SGC found and rescued them. He had been laid up for a few months with his broken leg and the world went on, but Jack O'Neill knew he was in trouble. Sam Carter was not someone you could just walk away from and not be changed in some way.

His words to her as he walked away in the middle of the operation to weed out the Rogue NID under Mayborne, were so true. He hadn't been acting like himself since he met her, since that day in the briefing room. She had changed him with her words and her compassion. She made him want to be a more like her because of that he was a better man.

His hands shuffled though the box again, this time not looking for a specific picture. Just wanting to lose himself in the memories and not have to deal with the reality that she was lost to him. His hand stopped when one photo came into view. It had been taken on that planet with the shiny light that made them all addicted. That day on the beach he had come so close to kissing Carter, when they grabbed on the each other's jackets. His mind had demanded it and if Teal'c hadn't shown up when he did....

Shaking off that memory he concentrated on the picture. Jack, Sam and Loren sat around the fire. It was taken on their last night there. They had decided to celebrate going home and Loren's knew life. Loren had never experienced S'mores or anything like them. Daniel made the request to the General and marshmallows and the other fixings had come through the gate with the daily food delivery.

_

* * *

The slight breeze from the ocean made the air chilly and Carter sat close to Jack. Not as close as Thera would have, but that was gone and it would never come back. Jonah and Thera were lost to them; they had tried and failed to keep them alive. _

_He could feel her arm brush against his as she reached for what she needed. The fire was warm but not enough to take the chill totally form the night air and he enjoyed her presence. Just being near Carter warmed him in ways he didn't want to think about. They were telling scary stories around the fire and eating their treats._

_Each of them had made their own roasting stick and they had debated the best way to cook a marshmallow and make a S'more. Jack tended to burn his to a crisp and them eat them and then the other parts of the S'more separately saying that a marshmallow was good enough all by itself without spoiling it with graham crackers and chocolate. _

_Sam toasted hers to a golden brown and then pushed her chocolate into it and squashed the whole thing between the crackers. _

_Teal'c just ate the crackers; he didn't like the chocolate or marshmallows. _

_Daniel alternated between burning his marshmallows and browning them. He never seemed to be able to get them the way he wanted. The chocolate was put on top of the marshmallow and squished between the graham wafers._

_Loren tried all the ways and decided that Sam's was the best. Daniel after a while just watched everyone, taking pictures. It wasn't often they were able to just have fun and enjoy the moment._

_Sam grabbed the last marshmallow out of the bag and toasted it to a prefect golden brown, she was about to insert her chocolate when Jack grabbed it off the stick. It was almost to his mouth when she grabbed his hand. Eyes met and everything locked into the room was visible in their eyes. _

_Jack broke her hold and brought the marshmallow to her lips. She opened her mouth the except the treat. Both leaned closer and the flash spoiled the moment, but the moment was captured for him to remember...._

And he always would, in that one or two heartbeats he learned, that whatever happened between him and Carter he would never escape her or the emotions that she made him feel. He wanted her to be a part of his life forever, to have his child, but that would not happen now. A thought came to him and he rifled gently through the photos.

His hand stilled at one of Sam and Cassie lying together on the hammock in his backyard. It was at the BBQ to celebrate Janet's adoption of Cassie. One of them must have just said something funny because the camera caught their laughter. Seeing them together, so happy Jack was pulled into another memory of the time when he had almost lost both of them.

_

* * *

The elevator continued to descend, Jack's heart climbed into his throat as the numbers decreased. _

_The tinny voice spoke and this time they heard the desperation in her voice."Colonel, she's awake." _

_It was then Jack knew that she would not budge. There was no way he was going to get her back up there. He understood her actions but he didn't have to like them, even though he would do the same thing in her place. It was his job to do things like this he was the CO._

_Beside him, Daniel voiced his thoughts. "Oh god!" _

_Although he knew that it was useless he had to try, he had to get her back up here to where she would be safe. By now, he was pushing the button as hard as he could to drain some of the fear and tension from his body. He had to do something, because there was nothing he else he could do, using anger to hide his fear. "Captain, Carter. I am ordering you to get back up here, right now. Right now!" _

_There was no response to the order and he checked his watch. Less than one minute to go, it didn't matter now what she did. Turning to the rest of SG-1, he told them, "All right, why don't you guys clear out." He would stay and wait and see. _

_Teal'c and Daniel look at each other, and then looked at Jack, neither moved to leave. Jack nodded his head in understanding. They felt the same way he did, you never leave anyone behind and they would not leave Carter and Cassie. "Right."_

_That minute was one of the longest of his life. He watched each second tick down. When his watch beeped, they braced for the explosion that would take Cassie and Sam away from them. One, two heartbeats and nothing happened. _

_Daniel spoke first "I don't feel anything."_

_Looking at his watch again, Jack spoke, "We could have been wrong about the time."_

_Shaking his head Daniel said, "We could have been wrong about what would happen." _

_Crossing back to the speaker, Jack pushed the button again. This time with a little more hope than the last time. "Captain Carter, can you hear me?" No answer at first and the panic returned and he used the one word he didn't allow himself to say. "Sam, can you hear me?'_

_When she answered, he could hear the relief in her voice. "Were okay, nothing happened. Cassandra's fine, I'm fine, it didn't happen. I just...I couldn't leave her, sir." She needed his to understand why she had done it, to know what she was willing to give up to give a little compassion and comfort to a scared little girl._

_A few minutes later, the elevator crawled back up and Sam stepped off with Cassie in her arms once more. This time when Jack reached out to take her Sam relinquished the girl._

_Their eyes met and he said, "Never do that again, Captain." As soon as the word left his mouth, he knew they were wasted. Sam Carter may never have given birth to a child but she was a mother. She was one of those women who would protect a child with her life. He would not ask her to give that up. She was a woman with a huge heart and he would not be the one to crush that part of it. If he did, he would destroy who Sam Carter was._

* * *

He hadn't seen that side of Sam very often but when it appeared, it was hard to deny her the chance. She gave up Cassie because she was needed more by the world. Because of that sacrifice he could not deny her the chance to be a mother to another child even if it was for only a moment. As long as it didn't affect the mission he allowed her those small moments whenever he could.

Sam and Cassie, he could not think of them together without remembering the day Janet died and the task him and Carter had preformed. Sill in pain from the staff blast he had donned his dress uniform and with Carter they went to see Cassie.

_

* * *

Jack pulled his truck to a stop in front of Janet's house, turning slightly he looked at Sam."Are you sure you want to do this?__ I can do it alone."_

_Shaking her head she said, "No this is something I need to do, for Janet and Cassie." Carter's voice broke and she took a deep breath._

_Reaching out he touched her hand, "I understand. Let's go." Jack's voice was full of emotion too. He felt he owed Janet this visit. She had been a great woman, doctor and a soldier. He respected her and Cassie too much to let someone else do this._

_Climbing from the truck, the two officers walked up to the house side-by-side, hating what they had to do, but know it had to be done. The stopped on the step and their eyes met, each of them stared back at one another knowing that someday this task might be preformed for them. Too much was visible in the other's eyes and they looked away. _

_They had come close to losing him too and not long ago Sam had almost died. All emotions were close to the surface and they were both so confused. Each of them were trying hard to move on but the universe kept pulling them back together only to rip them apart the moment they touched. Everything was there in the open just waiting for one of them to step out of the room._

_It was Jack who moved first but he stepped away from Carter, not toward. He knew that he had to get this done or he would do something stupid. Raising his finger, he pushed the doorbell. When Cassie came to the door all other thoughts were gone as he turned his full attention to her and what she would need from him._

_When she saw them standing there dressed as they were she broke down before they could say a word. "She's gone isn't she. My mom is dead. I'm all alone again." Her voice broke into sobs as she wrapped her arms around herself._

_Sam opened the screen door and pulled Cassie into her arms. "You're not alone Cassie, Jack and I are here for you. Anytime you need us we will be there. All you need to do is ask."_

_Leaving Sam's arms she flung herself into Jack's. "Why her? Mom never hurt anyone. Why did she have to die?"_

_With Jack's help they got Cassie into the living room and sat her down on the couch, each of them on one side of her. She clung to Jack and Sam rubbed her back in circles needing the contact as much as Cassie. No one said anything, they all knew what the others were thinking._

_After a while Cassie asked, "How did it happen? Are our you allowed to tell me?"_

_Sam looked up at Jack who nodded, "It was single staff blast. She never suffered. Neither of us were with her, but Daniel was. He will come by later and talk to you." Sam told Cassie, her voice betraying her own emotions._

_It was then Cassie changed to Sam. "I miss her Sam. I should have told her I loved her this morning but I was in a hurry and now it's too late. I always knew this could happen and I tried to be ready but I'm not. I still need her, I still want my mom."_

_Jack and Sam's eyes met over top of the girl's head and after a moment Jack spoke, "She knew you loved her and she loved you. Never forget that, never. We are here for you but not to replace Janet, no one can do that. If you need us we'll be there for you." He tried to control the emotion but it was there. He let Cassie hear it she need to know how much this affected him as well as her._

* * *

He stayed a while longer and then left Sam alone with Cassie. The two women needed time alone together, to find their new way together. Now Sam was a mom, but to a girl who was almost a woman. A child who had already lost two mothers.

Since the funeral Cassie and Sam had their problems but Sam's love for Cassandra had pulled them through the rough spots. Looking back at the picture of the two of them in the hammock Jack only hoped that one day Sam would have a child of her own to hold on to. She deserved to be a mother and to know the joy of holding her little baby. It was just that the child would never be Jack's.

Digging the heel of his hands into his eyes, Jack asked himself why he did this? Did he enjoy the torture so much? Gathering up the photos, he laid them in the box, promising himself this was the last time he would do this. He had lost her not to death as he always feared but to another man. She was getting married in a few weeks and that would be the end of it.

She had moved on but he never would, never could. Each of the photos were linked with a memory and each one was pain but there was also joy and to move on he would have to give those up and he couldn't.

Walter Harriman knocked on the door. "General, you are needed in the gate room. We have a situation."

Jack sighed there was always a situation. Tossing a stack of papers over the box of photos, he left his office at a run failing to close his door tightly.

* * *

So what did you think? Did you like it let me know.

8


	4. Sam's Discovery

**Author's note: ** This was going to be the second to last part but I have an epilogue for all of you now. So there in the end and one more pieces. Thank you to everyone who had review this story. It now has the most I have ever received for a fic.

_T__hank you again to SerenBunny for taking a look at this fic and fixing my mistakes._

**Also I have added a poll up on my profile. I have a bunch of stories half done on my computer and I want to know which one I should do next. I give a short synopsis of each one. If you feel so inclined take a look and vote. I will leave it up until the New Year.**

**Enjoy the show.....**

* * *

Sam knocked on the door to Jack's office after the incident in the Gateroom had been dealt with. One of the SG-teams wanted to extend their mission and required his permission to stay. She had tried to catch him before he left the control room but he had vanished before she could say a word. She had hoped he had gone to his office because she needed to talk to him about her father's funeral.

Her father's body had been cremated in the Tok'ra manner to honor Selmak, but he would have a headstone at Arlington Cemetery as well. Sam had said goodbye to her father but now she would do it again much more publicly and Sam was not looking forward to being on display.

In the papers her father had left her he had a list of who he wanted to carry his casket. One of those was Jack, in fact he was to be the first man on the left side and she was to be first on the right. This had surprised her, she didn't know he respected Jack that much.

She had been avoiding him since those last few minutes of her father's life when he made his promise. It had scared her, making her more confused than she already was. She had chosen Pete and the life he represented, why did she want to back out now? Too many things had happened all at once and she was not sure what she was feeling.

Her knock received no answer so she tried the knob but the door swung open at her touch. The office was empty, she knew that time was running out, they flew back east tomorrow. Crossing to the desk, she began searching through the papers for a post-it note to leave him a message.

Lifting the scattered pages, she came across a small box. It was open and inside were pictures. Picking up the ones from the top of the pile, she leafed through them. They seemed to be random photos but there was one common subject, her. There were some that seemed to be older than the rest, these were creased and some were ripped, while others were crisp and new.

Choosing one, she lifted it from the others. It was a photo from one of Jack's BBQs. It was the first one after the second Hathor incident. That mission had been a hard one for Jack, Daniel and herself. They had awoken in what seemed to be the SGC and been told that everyone they knew was dead, including the others.

Jack had been suspicious and managed to locate each of them but before they could escape, Hathor had appeared. Jack was implanted with a symbiote right before their eyes. There was nothing she or Daniel could have done to save him. It seemed that Colonel O'Neill was lost to them forever.

Then, with the help of SG-3, she and Daniel had escaped. Only to be prevented from reaching the Gate by a force shield. Sam had volunteered to go back to blow up the shield generators, but mostly to try and find Jack. You never left a man behind and she would not leave him, Goa'uld or not.

She had managed to bring his cryogenic tank up out of the freezing solution and begin to free him, after the Tok'ra told her how. The other woman told her that the Goa'uld should be dead from the freezing process. It was then Hathor reappeared and assaulted Sam's mind with her hand device. Carter had no idea what was happening as she fought to stay conscious under the onslaught of pain.

* * *

_The pain was suddenly gone and Sam collapsed. She could hear her harsh breathing as she tried to process the sounds around her. Someone knelt down beside her, arms grabbed her shoulders and pulled her upright. His voice was scared as he called her name. He shook her gently as she fought to open her eyes. She knew the voice, and hearing it sent a rush of emotions through her. He was alive, he was __Jack, her Jack. The Tok'ra had been correct, the Goa'uld within him was dead. Forcing her eyes to obey her commands, she opened them. _

_Their eyes met as he held her upright. "Sir, what happened?" Something inside her needed to hold him to know they were both alive. Reaching out, they grabbed on to each other like a life line. Later, neither could say who moved first, only that they held on tightly to each other._

_Shivering so much he could hardly speak,"Hathor's gone." He was so cold and she was so warm. She could feel it leeching into her as they held on to each other, but she wouldn't let him go,_

"_What about you?" Emotions tumbled though her as she held on to him just as much as he held her. She needed to know that they were alive, and that some day..._

"_Cold, a little chilly, but I'm me. I'm me." He tightened his grip on her as though he never wanted to let her go._

_It was that moment when he held her in his arms still shivering from being frozen, she knew just what her feelings were. She hadn't gone back for him because of honor and duty, but because of love. She was in love with Colonel Jack O'Neill. It was not a crush or a bit of hero worship, but full blown head over heels love. _

_The second thought that ran through her mind was that she would do nothing about it. Again they were so close yet so far away. They had been given a miracle, he was alive and free of the Goa'uld that had entered him, but when they broke apart nothing would change. They were still CO and 2IC and until the war was over, that wouldn't change._

* * *

Laying down the photo, she realized that she still was doing just that -nothing. She had tried to move on and find love with someone else, someone who was not unattainable, but that hadn't worked. She loved Pete, but not the way she loved Jack. Now she was going to toss him aside because he wasn't Jack. Jack was....

It was funny, in the beginning, she had not really liked Jack O'Neill. She had saved his life in that hot desert and she had made that Colonel some sort of super hero, who was perfect in every way. It had been a disappointment to meet the hard nose, unforgiving man Jack had been back then.

Slowly he changed or maybe she just understood him much more over the years. It began with the crystal duplicate when she learned about his son and how Charlie died and what it had done to Jack.

After the blue crystal, she had read his file, all of it, not just the more public bits. When she was done, she sat back, grateful that he was still sane. From what they had done to him in that Iraqu prison, and other missions, that he was a functional adult was another miracle. Jack O'Neill had been to hell and back a few times.

They had never talked about Charlie and what happened, but just knowing that piece of the puzzle that made up Jack O'Neill, had helped her to see what made him the man he was. Not even after Ba'al's torture and how he slipped back into that dark place again, had they spoken about his pain.

There were times when he disappointed her, like with Alar. They had talked about it that time. Maybe he knew how she felt about what he done.

* * *

_She followed him into the locker room after they left the Gateroom. Daniel and Teal'c were conspicuously absent. She pushed the door closed behind her. "What was that? Sir, you executed that man." Her voice was harsh even to her ears._

_The weight of what he had done settled on his shoulders. Jack didn't excuse himself for what he had done nor make any excuses. "Alar knew about the iris. He knew the risks and it was his choice to step into the wormhole. I told him not to follow. It was my choice to close the iris. I have to live with that but I did it for us. I know men like him, I have worked with them and against them. I have seen their mighty works and I have despaired. I have seen the mass graves and the ruined lives. That would have happened here. He was just one man but he carried a poison."_

_Carter studied Jack, his face was hard lines of pain, pain that usually he kept hidden. "But Sir."_

_He didn't let her continue, "No there are no buts, men like Alar have a smooth tongue. You think you will never believe like they do, but you listen to them for a while_,_ and you start to agree with them. And those men up there in that office wouldn't care about that. Once they heard what he knew, they would stop at nothing to gain Alar's technology. They would have sold our souls to do it. Good or bad, that was my choice and I have to live with it. I will tell you this now Carter, I will sleep just fine at night knowing what I did. Now if you will excuse me, I have an appointment with Doc Frasier." _

_The door slammed behind him and Sam sat down on the bench unsure what to think. The Colonel was right but he was also wrong. Shades of grey, that was her life now. It was a hard lesson to learn and one she would never forget. Nothing was really black and white in this world no matter how much we tried to lock it up in those neat little boxes. There were horrible people in this world and they did horrible things, but did she have the right to play god anymore than the Goa'uld?_

_It was then that she realized Jack O'Neill was not some super hero, he was a man who made hard choices for good and bad as he said. Some of them were right, others wrong, but most were grey. As a soldier, she had to follow those orders right or wrong, she only hoped that she would be able to sleep at night. _

Sam studied the collection of pictures she spread across the desk. There was one of SG-1 with Jonas Quinn. She wondered how he was doing now? In the last year, they had only periodic contact with his world. They seemed to be getting along a little better since the planet had almost blown up.

Her mind turned to one of the last missions they had gone on as a team, before Daniel descended. Nirrti was playing god again, trying to make a Hoc'tar. This time, she was using some ancient machine that manipulated DNA. With the Russian SG team, they had gone to the planet hoping to stop her. They had been captured by the planet's inhabitants and turned over to Nirrti . Sam was put into the machine, although Jack volunteered to be the one. Sam was brought back a while later and she waited to die, like the man the Russian SG team had brought back. Not long after her return, Evanov died as his cells disintegrated.

_Sam watched in horror as Evanov died, she knew that was her future, no matter what Jack said. If they didn't get out of here soon, she would meet the same fate, they all would. Wincing again in pain and fatigue, __t__he machine seemed to have sapped all her strength. She wanted to sleep, but she was afraid to. What if these were her last hours, did she really want to sleep them away?_

_What pained her the most is that Jack and the others would have to watch her die, helpless to prevent it, knowing that they would share her fate. This was not how she thought his life would end. She had thought it would be in a blaze of glory, doing something heroic, and saving the world one last time, not laying there while her body slowly changed, until...._

_She shivered and Jack wrapped his arm around her. "Shh Carter, sleep, we'll get out of here somehow, we always do." His voice was soft and it ruffled her hair as he looked down at her._

_Knowing that she might die, Sam had to tell him, to let him know that she still felt the same way. Her voice was husky as she spoke, "Sir, it was a pleasure serving with you. I...."_

_His grip tightened more as though he thought he could keep her beside him with the strength of his will. "Sam, we've had our shares of miracles from that day you found me and Booth out in the desert, then in Antarctica and many more. There has to be at least one more out there for us, maybe more. Don't give up now. Until both of us are dead, there is always a chance for that miracle and this is one. Now sleep that's an order."_

"_Yes, Sir." And she laid her head down on his shoulder like Thera had done_,_ for the first time since that night of broken dreams so long ago. They had lost Daniel, but as long as they were together, the world went on and so did the chance for miracles._

* * *

Was there still a chance for miracles? Could she really have everything she wanted, the man she wanted. They had given up so much and made many sacrifices to win the war, didn't she deserve the happy ending she really wanted? She was running around in circles and getting nowhere. It was up to her, she had to make a choice.

Flipping through the pictures again she lifted one of them. She studied the picture, where had he got this one from? Then she remembered some young airman had a camera and was taking pictures as they came down the ramp. Jack had grabbed the camera and told the airman that he might return it if he got out of the Gateroom right then. The young man had scurried away. She never did find out if he returned the camera, but it seemed he had developed the film.

It was the day they returned to the SGC after the memory stamp. Both she and Jack were still dressed in those horrid orange clothes. Stubble covered his cheeks and a new sadness was in his eyes as he looked at her while she was talking to General Hammond. Over the General's shoulder she looked at him.

It was there on film, they were mourning, mourning the loss of Thera and Jonah and what they meant to one another-everything Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter could not show. They had let them die and tried not to think about the what ifs. _, e_xcept that one night one week after they returned home.

* * *

_Sam stood on the doorstep shivering, telling herself that she should not be here and to go home where she belonged. Nothing good could come of being here, only pain. But another part of her knew the truth, she needed to see Jack O'Neill, even though it was two in the morning._

_Her knuckles rapped softly on the door. If he didn't answer, she would go home, maybe he didn't remember what today was and why it was important. Almost immediately, the door opened to show her Jack, it was like he was waiting for her. He was dressed in sweats and a Air force t-shirt. "Carter? You look a little cold. How long you been out here?"_

"_Sir, I was out driving and I found myself at your house but I wasn't sure I should come in. I mean you could have been asleep or something." She stopped and sighed, "The truth is I just didn't want to be alone, not tonight. I...."_

_Pushing the door open wider he turned, stopping to look back at her over his shoulder, "I know Carter, come in. I didn't either."_

_Continuing down the hall, he entered the living room grabbing a blanket from the back of a chair. Without a word he sat down next to the fire place, looking out into the backyard, waiting to see what she would do._

_Not hesitating, she sat down next to him laying her head on his shoulder just as Thera would have done. Reaching around her, he wrapped the blanket around her, but his arms stayed across the back of her shoulders. The two of them sat in silence enjoying each other's presence like they had not been able to do since returning from the ice planet._

_But all too quickly, the real world encroached on their minds. Guilt and regulations interfered with the bubble they tried to create. They both knew the exact moment it happened, simultaneously they moved apart, back to the professional distance they had kept for the last week. It was only a few centimeters, but it was enough to create a chasm between them._

_Sam broke the silence, "Thera would have gone through with it you know. She loved Jonah." Her voice was so quiet that he almost couldn't hear her words._

_His voice was rough when he replied, "I know Jonah would have too he felt the same."_

"_We can't go back can we? They're gone now and we just have to move on." He could hear the sadness in her voice and it made his pain stronger._

"_No, I don't suppose we can. Too many things stand in the way. You know I would, me Jack, if I could."_

_At his admission, Sam closed the small gap between them and took his hand. "I know and I would too. I wish..."_

_With his free hand he touched her lips to silence her. "No wishes, not tonight. Let's just enjoy what we have left of tonight together."_

_Nodding her head, she lay it back down on his shoulder and he put his arm around her shoulders pulling her even closer to him. They stayed that way together for what remained of Jonah and Thera's wedding night._

_The next morning neither of them spoke about the night before, it was gone and in the past. Like Jonah and Thera it had no place in the real world._

* * *

Sam's finger brushed Jack in the photo, she closed her eyes trying to remember what Thera and Jonah had and if Pete and Sam had the same thing. Opening her eyes, she realized that it was not the same, not even close.

Pete understood her life better than other men she had tried to date, but there was a resentment that he couldn't know all about her life. Something else was missing, but she had no idea how to find it or even if she could.

Thera and Jonah had it. Total respect and understanding from the man she was to marry...

She dropped the photo on the desk, Sam and Jack had it. Had her father known about her feelings for Jack? Had they been that transparent to others? He was right, she was not happy she was content, and it was not the same. Looking back at the photo, she realized that she was tired of settling for something other than Jack and Sam. It was what she wanted in her heart and it was time to try and find a way to make it happen.

Jack still had his secrets and things he wouldn't talk about, but they didn't matter to her. She knew Jack's soul. It may be a little tattered and a little grey, but he wouldn't be her Jack if it wasn't.

No, Jack's secrets didn't bother her the same way her secrets pulled at Pete. Maybe he thought if he knew everything about her he would have that piece he could never have, the piece that belonged to Jack. They had gone through too much together, how could she walk away from the bond between them. They had fought this thing for eight years, it was time to surrender.

Her father's words came back to her, 'Don't let rules stand in your way....You can still have everything you want.' He was right, she did deserve to be happy. It just meant that she would have to make some sacrifices because the only everything she wanted was Jack.

There was only one way to resolve this and she would have to make the first move. He mentioned to her the other day that Kerry was gone, he offered her always and she wanted it.

Finding the post-it notes on the desk, she wrote him a short note.

_**Jack,**_

_**We need to talk. My house five o'clock.**_

_**Sam**_

* * *

It was much later that Jack entered his office again and the first thing he noticed was the bright yellow note stuck to his closed laptop with Sam's writing on it.

Pulling it off, he read it and put it in his pocket. He then noticed that his box of photos was out in the open. Had anyone found them, had Sam? What would she think of him, that he was some stalker?

There was only one way to find out. He tucked the box under his arm and headed to the locker room to shower and change. It was four fifteen, he had forty-five minutes to get ready and drive to her house.

Still unsure what to think, he stood on her doorstep thirty-five minutes later and rang the bell.

* * *

Leave a review please. I want to know what you think.


	5. A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

**Author's Note: ** This is the second to last one. The epilogue is finished and will be up by Christmas eve at the latest. I still have to edit it before posting it.

**Thank you** to **Sg1star** who gave me the idea how to finish this chapter. You know who you are and I should have thought of it myself but you gave my muse a jolt. Thank you also to **SerneBunny** for taking a look at this chapter and getting it back quickly. I love ya!!!

* * *

The Sam who answered the door wasn't what he expected. He thought she would be angry, upset or something. She had obviously seen the pictures because of how they were arranged on the desk. When the door opened, she had that smile on her face, the one that seemed only to be for him. "General, come inside. Have a seat in the living room. I thought we could have dinner. I' ll order it now and we can talk while we wait."

He cleared his throat unsure, "Thank you Carter that sounds fine. Anyone else here?" he asked, looking around wondering why he was here and what she wanted from him. She was getting married to another man in a few weeks and she just found out that her CO was a stalker.

"No Sir it's just you and me. I hope that's all right?" Sam answered, getting nervous now. What if he changed his mind about her, what if he was back with Kerry? She had just assumed that it was over between the two of them when she invited him here.

"No, just surprised at the invite and unsure what you needed to discuss." He waved his hand awkwardly.

Motioning for him to sit down on the couch, she sat down beside him. "Sir-Jack, my father wanted you to be one of his pallbearers. I should have talked to you sooner but I was really confused about everything that happened lately. I never thought Dad would die. He was supposed to outlive all of us, even my children should I ever have them." Tears gathered in her eyes and Jack fought the urge to wrap his arms around her and hold on to her. She looked so alone sitting there, but Sam Carter belonged to another man. He had rules and doing that would break one. So he resisted, no matter how much he wanted to hold her.

Instead, he took her hand squeezing it gently and then let go. "I know it was a surprise to all of us. I thought we might lose him but to some stupid Tok'ra mission, not the way we did. It wasn't fair, but he and Selmak did it for you, to give you a better place to live."

They sat in silence for a while as each of them tried to think of something to say. Every few minutes they would look at each other and their eyes would meet, then they would look away embarrassed. Sam fidgeted trying to decide how to bring up the pictures and why he had them.

The doorbell rang startling them. "That's the food. I'll be right back."

Jack watched her disappear and dropped his head into his hands, what was he doing here? He should just leave. It seemed that she wasn't angry about his collection. Daniel had asked him once what was in the box and he had replied stamps. After that, no one questioned why he carried the box around with him occasionally.

Sam came back in to the room with Vietnamese takeout. Jack accepted his carton and no one spoke while they ate. Halfway through her meal, Sam got the courage to look up at him and study Jack O'Neill. Should she ask him, did she have the right? Those pictures obviously meant a lot to him and did she have the right to impose on that secret place? He would never willingly have chosen to do so, but if she asked....

"Sir-Jack, when I was in your office earlier today-" she watched him to assess how he was reacting. He had frozen with his bit of lemon grass chicken halfway to his mouth and he visibly swallowed as she continued, "And I found a box of pictures on your desk. I was wondering why you had them. They were all of me."

"Ah Carter about that, I..." He dropped his food back into the carton. "It's not what you think. I'm not some stalker. I, they. Let me get them and maybe I can explain." Jack was up and out the door before she could object.

Sam watched him go, wondering if he would be back or if he would get in his truck and run. Tossing her own chopsticks into her food, she sat back and waited.

A few minutes later, he returned with the box. He pushed the food to the side and set it down almost reverently. Meeting her gaze, he was about to speak when she took his hand, linking fingers just like they had that night so long ago.

When he didn't pull away from her touch, she continued. "Before you begin, there is something I want to say to you. When I saw the pictures, I realized that we had been through so much together, seen so much and I knew you. Not just the face you show the world but all of you. I know the good and the bad and I still loved you, all of you. I remembered something Dad said to me once, he said that if he met mom again, knowing all the pain he would feel when she died, he would love her again in a heartbeat. To him, she was worth all the pain. I want to be loved like that and to love someone like that. I saw that I didn't have that with Pete and I no longer wanted to settle. I want my life to be worth the pain and it wouldn't be with Pete, but it would with you." She stopped and looked over at him to gauge his reaction to all of this.

Jack swallowed, whatever he expected it was not this. What could he tell her, how could he explain that she was worth all the pain he had endured these last years. The agony of being so close to her and not being able to touch. He would do it again, all he would need was to see her smile, that one only for him. Words swirled around his mind, but he couldn't form them into a coherent sentence. Instead, he just nodded for her to continue.

When he said nothing, she went on, "He told me that I could have everything I wanted, and not to let the rules stand in my way. I realized that he was right." Their eyes locked like they did so many times over the years, everything was laid bare for the other to see. Nothing was hidden or kept back.

After a few moments, he looked away feeling as though he had done something wrong asking, "What about Pete, you're supposed to get married in a few weeks?"

"I ended it today. It had been over since my father died. I had too many issues that I couldn't let go of and taking them into a marriage just wouldn't have been fair to Pete. He knew it and so did I, I just didn't want to let him go. He was a safe bet, even safer than you. He never had the power to hurt me, not like you have, but I needed to know if there was still a chance for us. The war is over, we won and I want the spoils, I want us."

"Sam, are you sure, I'm an old man whose life has mostly passed by. I have made mistakes in my life, big ones, and I can't promise you I won't make more." He turned to her, his eyes unsure, but there was hope in them that she hadn't seen for a very long time, not since that day she was humming in the elevator.

"I'm sure. I have never been more sure about anything. I still love you and I wanted you to know it. For eight years we skirted around it, we've done everything but say it. Jonah and Thera were able to, but we never could, we still can't. I want what Thera would've had. I want that piece of happiness back, she was allowed to love Jonah and be with him. I want the same thing. I want that wedding we never had. I want always to be real Jack."

Lifting his hand, he cupped her cheek and caught a tear. It was only then she saw that she was crying. His thumb gently caught the droplets and he said, "I love you too, I'm not sure just when it happened but I have for a very long time. Nothing has changed, everything keeping us apart is still there. Us, can't happen unless one of us gives up our career and they won't let me, not now, and I can't ask you to do that. Sam, you're an amazing woman, you really are one of the nation's treasures, I won't let you give up your dreams for me. I'm not worth it."

Turning into his hand, she relished his touch. "I found a way that we can have it all. Area 51, contacted me a few days ago, they want me to transfer there and be head of Research and Development. Now that the war is over, I feel right about leaving the SGC. It's what I want to do, for us. I want to give us some time to see if I'm right and this is always. Please tell me you feel the same way Jack."

"Always, Sam always." And then he took her face in both hands, loving the joy he saw in her blue eyes. Lifting her face to meet his, he kissed her for the first time when nothing was influencing what they were doing. It was just Sam and Jack.

"Now can I show you the box?" Sam nodded and he opened it. Shifting through the pictures, he pulled two of them from inside. Lifting one for her to see he said, "This one was the first one. I carried it with me on a lot of missions. In the beginning to show me I was wrong about you, and you deserved to be with us on SG-1. You had made sacrifices, hard ones, and I respected you."

Sam took the picture studying it. It was creased and the edges were tattered. She knew the photograph. It was the one they had looked at together all those years ago when he helped her move in. It was the beginning of something, what, they had no idea then, but they both understood it now.

"The next one was this one," He showed her the picture of her in the blue dress. It was as tattered at the first one, "This one I carried because it reminded me that although you were a soldier, you were a woman and you had never sacrificed that part of yourself. You still had compassion and I wanted to be more like you. To be a better person. The man I am today is because I know you."

"Jack, I don't know what to say, but it's not because of me. You're the one who chose to become that man, the man I love. Show me more."

"How about you pick one and will tell you, why I have it." Lifting the box, they leaned back into the couch, while she rifled through the pictures. Choosing one, she showed it to him. "This one." It was a grainy picture of her face and shoulders and you could see bars in front of her. "How did you get this one?"

Taking it from her hand, Jack studied it. "I had Siler print if off the security feed. It was the moment when Jolinar pretended to be you."

* * *

_Jack had been listening to the Goa'uld spew its lies until he couldn't stand it anymore. Turning away from It, who had taken Sam from him, trying not to listen, he moved to the door. Reaching up, he rubbed his brow, there was always a chance of losing one of his team this way, but he just thought it would never happen to SG-1. Just when he thought it couldn't get anymore more painful, suddenly it was using Sam's voice. _

"_Oh God, he's telling you the truth! Please, Jack." Her voice was full of pleading._

_Freezing at the sound of his name, it had to be a trick, she would never beg, not his Sam. Also, Carter never used his first name, just like he never called her Sam. To both of them it was an unspoken rule. Hearing it this way was like a kick in the gut. The first time he heard her using it, it was a lie. Jack struck the door. He wanted out of here away from her voice. It mocked him with more words. _

"_No Jack, please, don't leave me, please, give me a chance! Don't leave me like this!" One of the hardest things he had to do was close the door on her words. "Please!"_

_Jack leaned against the closed door. He was struck by one thought, he loved Samantha Carter and he had lost her. Taking a deep breath, it broke his heart to walk away from her but he had to. At the moment she was lost to them, but he would find a way to free her or he would die trying._

* * *

His voice shook with emotion as he finished the story of the picture. He had come so close to losing her, at that moment he realized how much she meant to him. Knowing just how he felt, Sam squeezed his hand to show she understood without using words. She swallowed and debated whether or not she should tell him what she had to say.

Looking up at him she decided, "It was me. I was so surprised at being given control over my body that I said the first words that came to my mind. In my mind I had been calling you Jack, since Antarctica, that I said it out loud. It took me longer to figure out why." She stopped and studied him. This was happening, they were taking this chance. Reaching up, she touched his cheek rough with stubble. "Jack, is it that easy, can we be happy?"

Wrapping his arm around her, he said, "If we make it? Sam, we have seen many wondrous things, how can you doubt in happily ever after. Love is just the beginning, it starts today and ends with always. Let's go down that road together."

Resting her head on his shoulder, they looked through his memories of how they fell in love, one picture at a time. Time stopped and they found always.

* * *

Let me know what you think, I know you want to, please:0)


	6. Epilogue

Author's Note: Here it is, this one is all done. It has over fifty reviews and I thank all of you. This has been a lot of fun for me to write. I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, or what ever holiday you celebrate instead.

This will be it for this year, I hope to have more for you all in the New year. I have one multi chapter fic that has an end but the middle needs a little work, and a huge multi chapter fic that I want to have done before I begin to post but I may start early because I really love this story and I want to share it with all of you.

I hope to see you all again. Read and enjoy.

* * *

Over the years, Jack gathered many more photos for his box. Memories that made him laugh and some cry, but they were always treasured. Some of his favorites were:

The day he proposed to Sam....

_Jack stood on Sam's doorstep nervously running his fingers though his hair. In his pocket was a ring. Today was the day and it would be now or never. Daniel had incurred the wrath of some other race, who now wanted to destroy them for not believing in these Ori as gods. _

_So if he wanted Sam to be Mrs O'Neill, it had to be now or it might be never. She was leaving Area 51 to rejoin SG-1. She would be back on the front lines and once again saving the world. He loved her so much and if he had to lose her, he wanted to have everything, in case that happened._

_Adjusting the flowers in his free hand, Jack rang the bell and waited. Sam came to the door and took the multi colored daisies. "Jack they're beautiful, let me put them in water before we go. What's the occasion?"_

"_It's our four month anniversary and you're beautiful." Jack said grabbing her coat. "Let's go. Times a wasting."_

_They got in the truck and drove up the mountain, but turned off on to a dirt road that would take them up to the peak. The bumpy road ended at a clearing. Walking around the truck, Jack helped her down. Taking her hand, he led her down a path. _

_After a while, Sam was getting worried.. "Jack, where are we going? We're not lost are we?"_

"_Have I ever gotten you lost? Don't answer that. I know exactly where we are going. You'll see when we get there." He called over his shoulder. "Just as few more minutes."_

_They were about to round another bend, when Jack stopped. "Close your eyes." When she complied, he tugged her hand gently. "Follow me." On the other side, a picnic waited. He led her to the blanket and had her sit. "Open your eyes."_

_Sam stared at the site around her, speechless. Meeting his gaze she said, "You did all this for me?" There was a bit of wonder in her voice._

"_Yes, I wanted tonight to be special. I don't know how many more free nights we will get now." He saw the sadness fill her eyes. "I told myself I wasn't going to talk about that and so we won't, we have tonight. It's ours, let's enjoy it." _

_They ate their dinner curled up together watching the stars. After a while, the food lay forgotten as Jack drew imaginary pictures on her arm. After a few minutes he spoke, "Sam, I love you. I don't know how many more miracles we have, so I want you to marry me." From his pocket he pulled out a velvet box._

_Opening it, he showed the ring to Sam, who turned to look at him. Reverently she reached out and touched the ring. "It's beautiful." Pulling it from the cushion, she slipped it on her finger. Reaching up with the ring hand, she touched his cheek. "Yes."_

_Reeling back a little shocked, Jack asked, "You don't need time to think about it?"_

"_No, I've wanted this for such a long time. I just never thought it would happen. Nine years Jack, I have known you and loved you for most of that. I know your good and bad, your dreams and your nightmares, and I still love you. You're the man I have dreamed about holding my children. Tell me what is there to think about?"_

"_I guess if that's how you feel, why would you." His hand snaked up into her hair and pulled her lips down to meet his. He couldn't say anymore, he wanted this so badly but he never dreamed they would make it here. Resting his forehead against hers, he was glad for one more miracle and hoped for many more. Reaching into the forgotten picnic basket, he grabbed the camera and captured the moment._

* * *

His wedding day....

_The sun shone brightly on his backyard as he looked out at everyone there. The Ori, a new threat loomed over everyone and they took joy when they could find it. Standing at the altar, he waited for Sam in his dress blues, just like she had asked for. _

_The notes of the wedding march started and everyone stood. Cassie appeared first and then Sam, dressed in a beautiful dress. Slowly she walked down the aisle, her eyes never leaving his. Everything they had ever tried to hide was there for everyone to see. No one could doubt that these two were in love and only a miracle could have brought them to this spot at this time._

_General Hammond passed Sam's hand into Jack's, together they turned to the Justice of the Peace. The ceremony was short and meaningful, but Jack really didn't remember any of it. Later, he would tell anyone that all he could recall of his wedding was his bride's blue eyes._

_They really did have eyes only for each other, the rest of the attendees faded away. The man said he could kiss the bride and he did. Then it was all over and he hoped he said the right things in the right places. He looked over at Sam, she was smiling that smile again and he knew he had._

_General and Lieutenant Colonel O'Neill walked back down the aisle hand in hand, stopping to talk to a few of the guests on the way. At the end of the aisle, the two of them turned and looked at each other. The wedding photographer managed to catch them with his camera at the last moment before they ran. It was a beautiful shot, and that was a good thing, because it was the only one of the couple he managed to get. _

_No one saw them for two weeks. The reception went on without the bride and groom. They hid away on a pond in Minnesota before the real world closed in and they went back to doing their jobs,_._ Sam as a member of SG-1 and Jack as head of home world security._

* * *

The birth of their first child...

_Driving like a mad man up the winding mountain road, Jack tried to see where he was going through the heavy downpour. Beside him, Sam was yelling, she felt like it was time to push. Jack looked at her panicked. "You've only been in labor for two hours, how can it be time to push already. These things take hours, especially the first one."_

_Through clenched teeth Sam said, "Jack O'Neill, General or not, I will break you, if you don't pull over this truck right now. This baby is coming and there is nothing your words can do to stop it."_

_Looking over at his wife, he decided that she was serious. He pulled over at a look out and turned on the emergency lights. Daniel wasn't far behind him and so he hoped the other man would stop. He'd done this a few times before, he could do it again._

_Before helping Sam into the backseat, he spread the picnic blanket out and helped her lay down. Ten minutes later, Grace O'Neill made her entrance into the world and was wrapped in her father's shirt __against the cold. Daniel had arrived just in time to catch the baby while Sam crushed Jack's hand._

_When Daniel handed her to Jack, he could only stare at the beautiful life he helped create. Once Daniel had finished delivering the placenta, Jack handed her over to Sam who cuddled her daughter close. Slipping in behind her so he could see both of them, reaching out, he brushed Grace's hand with his finger. She responded by grasping it in a tight baby grip. The wonder on his face was captured by Daniel as he pulled out his trusty camera._

* * *

Their second baby.....

_This time the moment Sam had her first pain they were beamed to the mountain, but Jacob Daniel proved to be much more of a stubborn child than his big sister was. Sam was in labor for over twelve hours before he was born, because the baby decided to come out bum first. _

_Caroline Lam tried everything to get him to turn naturally, but he refused. It was long and horrible for Sam and then it got worse. Jacob went into distress and then mother and baby were rushed into the OR for an emergency C-section._

_Jack was by her side holding her limp hand through the whole thing. Ten minutes later he was holding the little rascal for the first time. One look and he knew this boy was going to be more trouble than even Daniel was._

_Then both mother and baby were whisked away. Two-year-old Grace, with Uncle Daniel, met them in the recovery room to wait with him for Mommy and baby brother._

_Half an hour later, Sam was wheeled into the room with Jacob in her arms. Jack helped her into the bed and everyone grouped around the newest O'Neill. Grace, in her father's arms, while Sam held on baby Jake. Jack looked into Sam's eyes and knew that nothing could make his life any better. He had been given his miracles and he was not going to mess this up. _

_Cam wandered in and captured the moment with his camera._

* * *

More photos were added to his box, birthday, BBQs, first day of school, the children learning to ride a bike. Beautiful family moments that were his to cherish. Eventually the box was as full as his life.

Using a skill she had developed since the birth of her children, Sam stole the box and made it into a scrapbook. Inside were all the photos and the stories from both Jack and Sam, as well as when needed, from the children.

Once it was completed, Jacob and Grace would reverently take it down from the shelf and read about how their parents found one another, hoping that one day they too would find the person who completed them the same way. No matter how much they protested their parents kissing in public.

The first picture was old and tattered. A group of women gathered around a helicopter in desert camouflage. It was where this all began but it ended with a miracle that gave them always and forever.

* * *

So this one is now done. If you liked it let me know and I just might get something else out for you all to read sooner than I think.


End file.
